Parents can set boundaries, offer choices, remain calm to build good foundation
Research shows that a close connection between a parent and a child is one of the best ways to address the effects of stress on developing minds. It can lead to better mental health and strong problem-solving and conflict resolution skills for children.
We also know that parents who are a non-anxious presence in their kids’ lives can help their children better deal with stress and anxiety. But today’s parents are increasingly stressed and fearful themselves, and that stress and fear often triggers their instincts to shield their children from experiencing stressful situations.
It’s completely understandable. We don’t want our kids to suffer, and stepping in to solve our kids’ problems can seem like the best way to be helpful.
But the short-term gain can be a long-term loss. In fact, the best way for kids to develop resiliency is to actually experience some stress, coupled with a safe, supportive home environment where they receive comfort and reassurance from a parent or caregiver whom they trust.
• Set boundaries, which give my kids a sense of security.
• Give them a voice and choices within those boundaries, to foster their independence and autonomy.
• Avoid using external enticements like stickers or treats to elicit desired behaviors and instead focus on the most important thing I can provide my child, which is a meaningful relationship and safe harbor.
• Help my kids weather stressful situations by remaining calm myself.
Schools, workplaces and community-based nonprofit organizations that serve children and families can all play a role by offering parenting education to their parent and caregiver constituencies. It’s an investment that promises significant return for children, families, and our community at large.
